the path of life

as i wrap up my internship here at the foster care home for orphans in china where i have been for the past 3 months, my heart and thoughts are turning fast to consider the question, "what's next?"

joshuaproject.net, bringmehope.org, destinyrescue.org...
so many tabs open on my laptop as i seek God's wisdom and His will asking Him to lead and guide me in His way and how He wants to get glory from my life. i have thought for years that i knew the direction i was supposed to go, and exactly how He wanted me to approach the issues He has burned into my heart as burdens. in the past weeks and months it's as though He has taken my goals and visions which i thought were already big, and shown me that He wants to expand them to be even...BIGGER. (isaiah 54:2-3) while i am willing to be used however He pleases, and go wherever He sends it can be overwhelming to look at the current needs and issues in our sick and suffering world today and try to discern where and how best to use up this one life for His glory, and for the purpose of making that glory known to the nations - namely the people groups He has laid on my heart most, the unreached, the unwanted and unloved, (poor and orphans) and the enslaved. (yes, slavery exists today, and in much more alarming proportions than most people are aware of.)  

the questions constantly on my heart as i become more and more aware of needs and already existing ministries, are, "where, Lord?" "what?" "how?" "when?"

these are all questions to which i would like to know the answer...NOW.
and granted, they are important ones, and ones that i believe He is answering and will continue to answer. as i was discussing this with my dear friend she said something that got my attention, and i knew it was His way of speaking truth to me.

"i'm not convinced that there is ONE path He's just waiting for you to find...isn't it more about getting your heart in line with His?...i think it's more about seeking His heart than seeking a specific path."

the more i thought about those words, the more they resonated in my spirit as truth. what is it psalm 16:11 says?

"You make known to me the path of life. in Your presence there is fullness of joy. at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

nothing about what the psalmist was "doing" for God's glory when he wrote that, just the overriding truth that everything He needed - all the joy, all the pleasures, all the guidance He needed for life, was in Him.

so i've been meditating on this thought ever since...

asking Him to do a re-working in the way i think and seek Him for guidance concerning the future. might not my time, prayers, and energies be better directed to a whole-hearted, passionate, all or nothing pursuit of Him and His heart than trying to narrow down from a million-and-one-needs and possibilities one specific area to pursue?

and we have this promise as well,

"seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
matt. 6:33

ok, so i realize the ministries, possibilities, opportunities that are turning about in my head and heart like a tornado ARE a part of His kingdom. they can most definitely be labeled "kingdom work." and they are what i want to live and die doing.

but it is the growing desire of my heart, that His kingdom will first have it's rule and reign in me. that His glory, His righteousness, His love, His compassion, His Spirit, will be seen and expressed and made to live and breath in me, whether i am on a far away mountain taking the gospel to an unreached tribe, sitting in the middle of a bustling city learning how to shine His light in a communist society, or standing on the platform of a local church in the states speaking up for those who have no voice and no one to plea for their bondage, suffering, and pain.

it's why my heart's cry, today, and i pray every day for all my days is,
"Lord, let me see You. as my Treasure. as my Goal. as my Purpose. as my All."

i'm staking my life and happiness on the hope that He will never fail to make known to me the path of life as He patiently continues to teach me to abandon myself to the pursuit of seeing Him more and more for who He is.

a word for the weary

just like it's cold and flu season in the states, it is here too. after several days of taking kids to the hospital, talking to doctors and nurses, sitting through iv treatments, singing to them, holding them, answering patiently (i hope) a million question and answer sessions and taking kind and not so kind comments from curious on-lookers who want to know what the foreigner is doing with a chinese baby...you get the idea...a very tired baby and a very spent me finally arrived back at our house. while my normal schedule includes regular mon. - fri. shifts, and weekends off, this weekend has been spent pretty much at the hospital. or somewhere on the road between here and there. all i wanted to do was pass the baby off to the people on shift and crash in my room. the house was full of guests who had come to see the kids, but i didn't give them a second thought. i was set on a beeline to my room and the coveted rest. 

it didn't take long to see that things weren't going to work out quite the way i pictured. the baby wouldn't let me put her down, and clung to me refusing to eat unless i fed her. a worker from another one of our homes was there to see me and followed me into my room needing me to help her with some reference info and pics, and it seemed everyone was still demanding my time and attention. the verses from the gospels about Jesus being pressed in from every side with the crowds demanding to see Him and ignoring His need for rest flitted through my mind. as i had been the entire day, once again i sent up a prayer for grace, asking Him to be the strength and love i needed to keep on pouring out to everyone who needed me. 

as i sat holding the baby and talking to the worker, a lady i have never seen before came in, looked directly at me, and said, "praise the Lord! may God bless you for what you are doing. all afternoon as i have played and spent time with the kids there has been one phrase on my mind, 

"can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? even these may forget, yet I will not forget you." (isaiah 49:15)

as i stared at her in amazement, tears filled my eyes and spilled over down my cheeks. it was one of those moments where you cease to see the person standing in front of you, and all you hear is His voice speaking straight to you. this woman who has never met me before, never heard my story, and certainly couldn’t see the weariness and struggle in my heart, went on to kneel down beside me and hold my hand as she lifted me up to the Father asking Him to give me strength. she told Him that while others may not understand what i am doing and may not be able to see the purpose, yet she is confident that He sees and He knows and honors the work we are doing here. He sees my tears. she then repeated several times a phrase that was also spoken into my heart as His words to me, “those who sow in tears will reap in joy.” (psalm 126:5) again and again she repeated it, the truth of the promise each time working itself deeper into my tired heart.

when she finished praying, she stood up, said again, “God bless you! praise the Lord!” and left. i felt i had been visited by an angel. regardless, i know that He sent her to me and gave her the word that i needed to hear. there’s just no other way to explain how someone who doesn’t know me and has never met me before would know so explicitly my need and how to pray for me. it was just as if He came down Himself and spoke directly to my needy spirit the words He wanted me to hear.

“the Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught that i may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary…”
isaiah 50:4

it’s something i’ve prayed for time after time…the wisdom to know how to speak a word in season to someone in need. how amazing it is when He comes Himself to speak a word to our weary hearts, leaving peace where there was anxiety, rest where there was turmoil, and grace to strengthen and sustain. and how humbling and encouraging it is that He chooses to use people like you and me as His spokesmen. 

am i a messenger of His grace to those around me?

fire in my bones

thoughts from Oct. 4, 2011 - 

today i was just seeing again how 3 PERCENT of missionaries go to unreached peoples

i was SO burdened anew for this group of people 

and i was like, God, let me be one of the 3 percent

and then i went outside and i was talking to Him about it...

processing and walking thru it and what it meant with Him

and then i just had this sense that He was taking me down from my pedestal and saying, "no, you don't have a 'special call' that others don't have...it's just that today I have made you more aware of the call I have laid on every disciple of Mine"

i realized it's for me

it's for you

it's for EVERYONE who names the name of Christ and calls themselves His disciple

THE GREAT COMMISSION:

“all power is given unto Me in heaven and in earth.

go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” matt. 28:18-20

and then the desire just LIT up like an even HUGER fire inside me to AWAKEN other people to His call

not that i can call them

but i can tell them the need

i can let them see what i've seen

you wouldn't believe how many people come up to me and say, "i'm SO glad God called you to do that cuz i never could..."

they want to count listening to a missions speaker as their "missions outreach" for the week...or month...or year...or something

i just think that most of them DON'T KNOW

that He IS calling them to missions

and that's what He's putting in my heart to share with every brother and sister i meet

just saying “God doesn’t call  everyone to GO themselves…”  has become a cliche response for many people naming the name of Christ but is not an excuse for just being comfortable where we are

what i PRAY people will see is that they DON'T have to go...

...if they talk to God and that's what He tells them

but they DO have to be a part of world missions

i don't think people want to talk to Him about that

for fear of what His answer might be

i think it takes a special call from God to STAY

not to go

going should be the norm

speaking His truth and sharing the gospel should be a given in the life of every disciple of Christ

"if i say, 'i will not mention Him, or speak any more in His name,' there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and i am weary with holding it in, and i cannot" (jer. 20:9).

Jesus said,

"my food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work" (john 4:34)

can you imagine if EVERY person who sits on a pew would REALLY come before Him and ask Him about that?

and be willing to do whatever He said?!

that would be...amazing

a revival

awakening

it's what i long to see

it's what i want so much

i believe He can do it
i believe He IS doing it

am i awake or asleep? 

will i be content to lethargically sleep and live in such a way as to lull others to remain in their state of lethargic sleep?

or will i be AWAKE and an AWAKENER?

"it is now time for you to wake up from your sleep..." (rom. 13:11)