a new year. a blank page. a fresh start. a recalling of a year of mercies and grace poured out on weak, struggling, undeserving me. an evening of gratefulness and joy and falling in love with my Lord all over again.
earlier in the afternoon while preparing to speak and play with my brother’s band at a youth rally to see in the new year, i looked in the mirror to see my own eyes sparkling back at me in a way i haven’t seen for a long time. too long. and as i saw my own joy reflected there, i knew the reason. my heart cried out spontaneously, “oh Lord, i am in love with You.” and it was true.
later standing at the keyboard as the band played “always” – “oh, my God! He will not delay! my refuge and strength always. i will not fear. His promise is true. my God will come through always…” another realization swept it’s way through my heart and soul. “rebekah,” He was saying, “of all the things you have learned and proven true this year, this is the one thing you know without doubt. because I have shown you. I have been faithful to you. I will come through. every time.” again, my heart echoed back in praise. “Lord, i love you.”
on the way home, listening to songs that have blessed me, strengthened me, and carried me through the darkest days of 2011, i remembered all He has done and all He has brought me through. He has covered me and carried me. He has fought for me like a soldier. He has broken through the pain and loneliness. He has reached down into my heartache and pulled me out. He has sung over me and let me hear His melody again. He has spoken out over the waves and called me name. He has held onto me when i was drifting in the deep end. He has held me together when life has treated me like a beggar. He has held my heart when it was shaking like a leaf and healed it when it was broken and bursting at the seams. He has been my water in the dessert, and my shelter in the fires of affliction. He has begun to make me into a vessel He can always use for His glory.
and so i’m going to sing, with every breath i can breathe, about how He loves me and how hope has come home to me and how fear has run the other way. how all my soul needs is all His love to cover me so that the world can see that i have nothing without Him. and even though He’s heard it a thousand times before, i’m going to sing, though at times it may be with desperate tongue, and broken, clinging heart, and empty hands lifted up with nothing to give, the song that is more beautiful than songs of angels and gifts of kings.
this is not the end. i will open my mouth wider. i will taste more this year of His goodness and find Him even more satisfying and worthy than last year. i will see more of His glory, and make it known to many others. i will find myself desperate and needy again, and fall before Him to find again that He alone can meet every need of my heart. He alone can enable me to fulfill the purpose He has burned into my heart of glorifying Him and making His glory known.
may my life praise Him in 2012.
“here i am, Lord, all i am Lord.
here i am, Lord, i am Yours.”
