still with me

it's time, i believe, to explain the origins of the name of this blog, 'still with Thee.'
it began when sometime in the last two years a great and terrible sorrow came to me, plunging me into a time of doubting the truth and the trustworthiness of everything i had ever believed. the question came over and over to haunt me, "if it's all true, if there is a God, would He really deal this way with those committed and sworn to follow Him to the end...those He claims to love and cherish as His own children?" for a long time i could not make my idea of what it should mean to be a disciple mesh with the harsh and devastating circumstances in which i found myself. 


during that time of doubting and floundering my parents traveled thousands of miles to be with me, offering what i needed most...a physical presence to hold me, and comfort me and prove to me that not everything and everyone in this wide world were against me. they reached out with His hands and His love and let me see Him thru them when i couldn't see Him for myself. one morning as my dad held me and prayed over me he quoted psalm 139 and while i was still in a frame of mind that caused me to doubt every bit of truth i heard, one phrase reached out to grab me. coming home from work that day i sat down and, in about 20 minutes, wrote a poem based on that phrase. 


to this day i don't know how i wrote this poem at that time in my life; except it was simply God's mercy and grace allowing me to see from somewhere deep down inside me that His truth and His word are abiding and enduring. even tho my eyes, at that point, were still blinded and my heart hardened, i think that this poem pulled on things i had known to be true in the past and gave me a strand of hope that somehow, someway, this is all for a purpose, and when all is said and done, i will find myself still with Him. 


when i decided to start this blog and was looking for something to call it, i happened across that poem and realized that He has done it...that His love and His holy purpose have brought me thru to the other side of that trial. and i find myself exactly where i have been all along...held tightly in the palm of His hand.


this blog is a testimony to that fact, and a record of the journey i am still on as i return to faith and joy and contentment in Him. as He becomes my life. no matter what the future holds, or how high the waves that have yet to crash over my head, i know when the storm dies down i will find Him still with me. and that's why i'm still here to write this post today.


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still with Thee
when by waters still Thou leadest
in the pastures green Thou feedest
when goodness and mercy follow all my days


still with Thee
when the skies above are cloudless
and my heart is light and careless
and my soul soars high on eagle's wings


still with Thee
when all around me waits in silence
and surrounded by Thy presence
i can hear the whisper of Thy Voice


still with Thee
in paths befogged with mist and darkness
led in ways made rough with sadness
yet Thy Word enlightens all my way


still with Thee
as all of nature groans and trembles
caves and mountains disassembled
all Thy waves and billows cover me


still with Thee
when through the fire of trial Thou takest
all Thy gold from dross Thou purgest
pain and sorrow working out Thy will


still with Thee
as the heart in weakness faileth
arm of flesh unfaithful proveth
only to discover Thy great strength


still with Thee
when the heart with sorrow battered
lovliest dream so crudely shattered
Thou rememberest every tear that falls


still with Thee
as with cherished sons Thou chasteneth
all those whom Thy love restraineth
working thus to form the will to Thine


still with Thee
ever in Thy work abounding
joys and duties all resounding
in a holy sacrifice of praise


still with Thee
when the hoped for day arriving
gladly to Thy call replying
this Thy servant enters into rest


and in joyous anthems joining
all aglow with glory shining
evermore with Thee my Lord to be
i will find that Thou art
still with me