the path of life

as i wrap up my internship here at the foster care home for orphans in china where i have been for the past 3 months, my heart and thoughts are turning fast to consider the question, "what's next?"

joshuaproject.net, bringmehope.org, destinyrescue.org...
so many tabs open on my laptop as i seek God's wisdom and His will asking Him to lead and guide me in His way and how He wants to get glory from my life. i have thought for years that i knew the direction i was supposed to go, and exactly how He wanted me to approach the issues He has burned into my heart as burdens. in the past weeks and months it's as though He has taken my goals and visions which i thought were already big, and shown me that He wants to expand them to be even...BIGGER. (isaiah 54:2-3) while i am willing to be used however He pleases, and go wherever He sends it can be overwhelming to look at the current needs and issues in our sick and suffering world today and try to discern where and how best to use up this one life for His glory, and for the purpose of making that glory known to the nations - namely the people groups He has laid on my heart most, the unreached, the unwanted and unloved, (poor and orphans) and the enslaved. (yes, slavery exists today, and in much more alarming proportions than most people are aware of.)  

the questions constantly on my heart as i become more and more aware of needs and already existing ministries, are, "where, Lord?" "what?" "how?" "when?"

these are all questions to which i would like to know the answer...NOW.
and granted, they are important ones, and ones that i believe He is answering and will continue to answer. as i was discussing this with my dear friend she said something that got my attention, and i knew it was His way of speaking truth to me.

"i'm not convinced that there is ONE path He's just waiting for you to find...isn't it more about getting your heart in line with His?...i think it's more about seeking His heart than seeking a specific path."

the more i thought about those words, the more they resonated in my spirit as truth. what is it psalm 16:11 says?

"You make known to me the path of life. in Your presence there is fullness of joy. at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

nothing about what the psalmist was "doing" for God's glory when he wrote that, just the overriding truth that everything He needed - all the joy, all the pleasures, all the guidance He needed for life, was in Him.

so i've been meditating on this thought ever since...

asking Him to do a re-working in the way i think and seek Him for guidance concerning the future. might not my time, prayers, and energies be better directed to a whole-hearted, passionate, all or nothing pursuit of Him and His heart than trying to narrow down from a million-and-one-needs and possibilities one specific area to pursue?

and we have this promise as well,

"seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
matt. 6:33

ok, so i realize the ministries, possibilities, opportunities that are turning about in my head and heart like a tornado ARE a part of His kingdom. they can most definitely be labeled "kingdom work." and they are what i want to live and die doing.

but it is the growing desire of my heart, that His kingdom will first have it's rule and reign in me. that His glory, His righteousness, His love, His compassion, His Spirit, will be seen and expressed and made to live and breath in me, whether i am on a far away mountain taking the gospel to an unreached tribe, sitting in the middle of a bustling city learning how to shine His light in a communist society, or standing on the platform of a local church in the states speaking up for those who have no voice and no one to plea for their bondage, suffering, and pain.

it's why my heart's cry, today, and i pray every day for all my days is,
"Lord, let me see You. as my Treasure. as my Goal. as my Purpose. as my All."

i'm staking my life and happiness on the hope that He will never fail to make known to me the path of life as He patiently continues to teach me to abandon myself to the pursuit of seeing Him more and more for who He is.